Let’s be a Mom to ourselves first.

Happy Mother’s Day.

Whether you’re a mother yourself…
…or you’re hoping to be…
…or you’ve been mothered in your life (so, all of us then)…

You have access to a powerfully nurturing presence within you.

My wish is that you remember to turn your nurturing inward, today and every day.

Notice when your own energy seems off, ask yourself what’s wrong?
Listen for the answer.
Let yourself know it’s okay to feel that way.

Forgive yourself for your mistakes.
You’re an imperfect human who’s trying their best. You’re still learning.
Allow yourself to celebrate the small wins.

See the goodness and beauty in yourself.
Notice where you shine - and let yourself feel proud!

Ask for what you truly want & need,
And let yourself receive it fully.
You are absolutely worthy of it all.

And most importantly, sit down for moment, relax, close your eyes and delight in being still.

Give yourself permission to BE, just as you are, for a while.

Know that in this moment,
You have enough.
You are doing enough.
You are enough.

On this day and others, go ahead and fully soak in the love and attention from others.

But don’t expect others to know what you need or want. Don’t wait around for others to give you what you’re longing for.

You get to give yourself the exact attention, words of appreciation and care you’re seeking, whenever you want and need it most.

Don’t forget to be the Mom you need to yourself.

Powerful nurturing starts with YOU.

P.S. If caring for yourself first feels hard, please come join us in The Oxygen Mask project, where we’re exploring taking responsibility for self-care. Sign up any time in May to receive the emails with behind-the-scenes stories of how busy people care for themselves. And come be part of a community of like-minded people who "get" how hard self-care is - join the pop-up Facebook group to exchange thoughts, ideas and experiences, and feel supported on your journey.

Is self-care at the bottom of your "to-do" list?

We have all heard how important it is to take care of our health and well-being. And we understand intuitively that we're no good to anyone else if we’re running on empty.

But it can feel self-indulgent or impractical to put our needs at the top of the ”to-do” list - or even add them at all - because there’s so much other stuff demanding our attention.

I know it's felt downright impossible to me at many points in my life - especially during the early days of the pandemic when I was suddenly surrounded by my family 24-7.

I've often cried out in frustration (to no one in particular), "What about me? When I do I get to sit around and do nothing / play LEGO or video games / sleep in?"

And yet, when my husband would offer me the chance to go back to bed or tell me to stop tidying and go play with the kids, I'd immediately get defensive: "It's not that easy! I can't just DO that!"

Indeed. Behind the "no time" refrain, I've noticed, sits a deep belief that I'm responsible for everything.

It's taken me a very long time, and a lot of suffering, to realize that a great deal of the burden I carry in terms of responsibilities is voluntary. Meaning, it's stuff outside of my control which I've chosen to take on.

For example, here are a few of the things I'd unconsciously put on my to-do list:

• Creating the ideal home environment (to ensure we're all calm, well-rested, happy, free from distraction, etc.)

• Worrying about my now nine-year old's mental health in high school

• Being the person everyone can rely on so I never disappoint anyone

Each of these things drained my mental energy AND created an endless number of to-dos trying to ensure an outcome I can't possibly guarantee.

The hard truth is: I can't guarantee my kid's future, or other people's health, well-being or productivity, or what people think of me. I can only hope to positively influence these things.

The same goes for believing it falls to us to "save the world". We can't control what happens. We can only hope to positively influence it in some way.

But we can’t make much of an influence - on raising the next generation of leaders, or creating justice and equality for all, or cooling the planet - when we are anxious, exhausted and depleted.

The only thing we can truly control is ourselves.

So when our focus shifts to taking responsibility for things we truly can control - our health, well-being, fulfillment - then we feel better, show up better for the ones we love and serve, and can take effective action in influencing positive change in the world around us.

This is why I started The Oxygen Mask project.

• I want to build evidence that showing up for ourselves first has the powerful ripple effects we're after.

• I want to gather countless examples of "how" we can put our needs first so it feels more achievable.

• And I want to bring together a community to explore all of this and support one another on our journeys.

My dream for you - for all of us - is that you let go of "all the things" that you can't control which have been added to your plate...

...and focus your time energy and attention instead on what you can do right now to feel better mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually.

Because showing up for yourself first will have positive ripple effects into the areas you wish you could control.

So, I invite you to take a good hard look at what makes it onto your “to-do’ list. Here are a few questions to help you do that:

1. What expectations do you have of yourself and the kind of person you should be? ie. what is your definition of the "Ideal" Mother, Teacher, Activist, [fill in the blank]...

2. What tasks get added to your list in trying to meet those expectations?

3. Which of those tasks feel "heavy" and would you happily abandon if you could?

4. What would life FEEL like if you let go of a few of those unwanted tasks and did something that fills your cup instead?

Here's to YOU being at the top of your list.

P.S. The Oxygen Mask project has begun! Sign up any time in May to receive the emails with behind-the-scenes stories of how busy people care for themselves. And come be part of a community of like-minded people who "get" how hard self-care is - join the pop-up Facebook group to exchange thoughts, ideas and experiences, and feel supported on your journey.

Slow down to go fast.

Two weeks ago, I got swept up in a whirlwind of productivity. The energy of spring seemed to be fueling incredible optimism, purpose and momentum for me - the likes of which I haven't experienced since before the pandemic!

I was really charged up about "The Oxygen Mask", a community project I’m hosting in May (see link below)...and I was excited, full of passion and feeling drawn to spend as much time as I could working on it.

But after several productive days riding this high, something happened.

I started noticing that the extra energy I was putting in was taking its toll. Instead of feeling exciting momentum, I was feeling anxiety, overwhelm and exhaustion. That familiar feeling of “so much to do, not enough time" had crept in. I was putting another 2.5 hrs of work in after my kids went to bed. And then I’d wake up in the middle of the night thinking of what I still needed to do.

This is a pattern I know all too well. The passion “pulling” me forward had shifted to a "pushing" or “striving” energy...which is always a sign that fear is present.

The fear of:

Not having enough time to get everything done.
Not being capable enough to pull this off.
Dropping balls and letting people down."
Being judged if I make a mistake.

Maybe you've experienced some of these fears creeping into a project or activity you loved too?

You may not always be aware of Fear's presence...but you do notice that something you loved doing suddenly feels tiring, boring or overwhelming. You may "armour up" and push through, even though you've lost energy and drive. You might find yourself procrastinating or fighting the urge to throw in the towel. Or you might find you're exhausted, overwhelmed and unable to take action.

Fear is a constrictive energy - which means its purpose is to tense our muscles and get us ready to "fight, flight or freeze". It does this to keep us safe.

So this shifting from passion to fear is nothing more than a sophisticated but misguided strategy by our egos to protect us from getting hurt.

As soon as we start following our hearts, taking up more space, using our voice, growing our capability - and expanding the possibilities for our selves and our lives - our egos jump into action to protect us from rejection, humiliation, abandonment or betrayal.

In the past I would have let the fear run the show, allowing my ego to run old stories about not being capable or deserving enough...and sometimes I’d sabotage my efforts by quitting.

But this time I was fortunate to recognize the pushing energy as fear-driven and unproductive.

So I decided to switch gears and “slow down to go fast”.

That morning I swapped my workout with yoga, and I postponed work to attend a group call that felt restorative. As a result, I had so much more energy, and I felt more at ease, in the flow and trusting of the unfolding process. My productivity increased and the connections I was making felt deeper and more authentic.

Was there a time when you decided to prioritize rest and restorative activities instead of continuing to push through? Did you gain more energy or ease? And what impact did it have on your relationships and work?

When you find yourself caught up in "pushing" energy, what could you do to give yourself a break? What might "slow down to go fast" look like for you?

One idea could be beginning your day with a pause. Sign up for The Oxygen Mask community project this May, and you'll get self-care wisdom delivered to your inbox...which you can read while you enjoy your morning cup of coffee or tea. ☺️

Is it time to put your needs first?

Over the past year and a half, I've been diving deep into the world of emotional and mental resiliency...seeking out, learning and growing skills that will support myself, my family and you through these crazy uncertain times.

If there's one thing that IS certain, is that we've entered into one long period of Reckoning.

For me, it was as though being in lockdown put a spotlight on every part of my life that wasn't working: self-sabotaging patterns, ways I show up (or don't) in relationships, limiting beliefs, bad habits... It's been one long, uncomfortably painful and humbling ride.

Have you found this too?

We're not alone in this - I've heard from a lot of people who've said this has been their experience as well! And we are certainly seeing the process of reckoning happening in our greater society.

For me, it's led to a lot of time spent examining, challenging and replacing outdated conditioning, coping strategies and emotional patterns so that I may show up as the person I know I can be.

Something that's become painfully clear from the past few years is that there is no returning to "before". What I'm seeing is that, as the world becomes increasingly more uncertain and tumultuous, we are consistently being called to "level up", especially in our capacity to meet the people and circumstances of our world where they are at.

But how exactly do we do this? What the heck does "levelling up" mean?

It means taking responsibility for our selves. Because that's the only thing we can control!

And I believe it starts by putting our own self-care first.

It's far from selfish. When we prioritize tending to our mind, bodies and spirit,

• We have a greater capacity to bounce back in the face of uncertainly, challenge and struggle,

• We can then show up calmer and more grounded to support the people in our lives,

• And we gain greater access to the energy, focus, perseverance, creativity, compassion and flexibility required to influence the change we wish to see in the world.

I've experienced both sides of this truth: consistently neglecting my self-care and feeling the fallout it has on my relationships and impact...and also prioritizing myself and seeing the amazing ripple effects it creates!

My journey has led me to this moment...and I can't wait to share with you an exciting new project I am hosting that explores taking responsibility for self-care!

“The Oxygen Mask” community project

This is a free online community project running in the month of May. Each day a busy caregiver or changemaker will share a story with us around what it takes to sustain themselves and their work.

My goal is for us to share stories, experiences, insights, practices and tips that can reframe self-care as being the most practical and impactful thing we can do in our day to create change... and which can provide countless examples of just how simple, accessible, and achievable it can really be.

Here's what you can do to join in the conversation:

• Sign up on the project page (www.beingplace.ca/oxygenmask) to receive the daily emails with each person's contribution (as well as a Two-Minute Tip from me for when self-care feels hard or impossible).

I do hope you'll feel moved to join us! It's a much-needed conversation in these times!

What does it take to sustain ourselves and our work?

“Put on your own oxygen mask first."

How many times have we heard this message? We all know how important self-care is to our health and well-being. And we all understand intuitively that we are no good to anyone else if we’re gasping for air.

But in reality, tending to ourselves first - and sometimes tending to ourselves at all - feels a lot harder to pull off, doesn’t it?

Most of us claim “There’s not enough time” but what we often really mean is “I feel responsible for too much!”

In a world that feels like an erratic, dangerous, unpredictable place with no one in charge, it feels like it must fall to us to ‘save it’. And when we’re already weighed down from all the roles and responsibilities in our own lives, it can feel downright overwhelming to add on the urgent mission of working to ease or end the chaos ‘out there’.

Yet, much of this burden of responsibility we carry is outside of our control! 

The hard truth is this: we can’t control the people and circumstances of our lives, we can only hope to influence them.

And sadly, we can't make much of an influence - on raising the next generation of leaders, or creating justice and equality for all, or cooling the planet - when we are exhausted, depleted, and (let’s be honest) terrified. So many of us suffer from what Emily and Amelia Nagoski call “Human Giver Syndrome” where we give, give, give without taking time to fill the well first.

The only thing we can truly control is ourselves.

Our focus needs to shift to taking care of our needs first…so we feel better, show up better, and are more effective in influencing positive change in the people and world around us.

We ultimately get to control how we feel, how we show up, and how effectively we influence… by choosing how we treat our bodies, our time, our energy, our thoughts, our feelings, our voices, etc. When we decide to nurture and nourish our minds, bodies and spirits, we feel at our best, ready to bring our talents, skills, experience, passion and energy to the conversations, situations we find ourselves in.

Let's show what's possible when tend to our minds, bodies and spirits first.

I know so many of us (me included!) have been conditioned to believe that self-care is self-indulgent, time-consuming, a sign of privilege, or a "reward" for after all the hard work is done and every one else's needs are met...

The purpose of this project is to reframe self-care as the most necessary, practical, unselfish and impactful thing we can do in our day to create change because of the powerful ripple effects it has... and to provide examples of just how simple, accessible and achievable it can really be.

I want to empower and inspire you to show up for yourself first. To give yourself permission to matter by tending to your mind, body and spirit. To help you discover countless ways to "reset" that fit easily in your day.

I want to help you feel less alone, less tired, and less defeated while you're trying to influence positive change in your relationships, work, communities and society.

This project is for the exhausted caregivers and changemakers, and anyone else struggling to be effective in their lives. It’s time for us to support one other in caring for ourselves...so we all have access to the energy, focus, perseverance, creativity and compassion required to create the change we long to see in our world!

Ready to Join the Community Project?

This is an online community project designed to achieve three things: 

• Demystify how caregivers and changemakers support themselves to show up at their best and increase their impact in their relationships and work.

• Share stories and ideas about what it means to take responsibility for self-care and the actions these caregivers and changemakers took to meet their needs.

• Cultivate a community to cheer each other on our individual and collective journeys to prioritize self-care.
  

Ready to join us? Go to www.beingplace.ca/oxygenmask for all the details and to join the community.