Just say NO.

"The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything." ~ Warren Buffet

This morning, I came across a great article in Inc. Magazine sharing the top habit that successful people like Warren Buffet implement that sets them apart from everyone else: saying No.

By saying NO to most things, they can say YES to the things that allow them to use their strengths to the fullest, produce the biggest results with the least amount of effort, build the strongest relationships, and ultimately, bring them the most joy or satisfaction.

Setting boundaries on our time is both an art and practice that anyone can master over time. Saying no is simply a muscle that we need to use regularly to get stronger.

The payoff for doing so is huge. Imagine: if you focused your time on doing only the things that mattered most to you, came more naturally and easily, and felt more engaging and energizing…What might life be like for you then? It would certainly feel like less of a struggle, wouldn’t it?

Think about the impact you might have…If you’re operating from a “full bucket” of energy, focus, enthusiasm and health, you’re able to access more of your natural gifts, strengths, energy and presence in a way that people can actually benefit from and that does the most good.

I don’t know about you, but that’s the definition of being successful to me.

This year, I learned the lesson of saying No the hard way.

When I was first getting my coaching business started, I struggled to find clients. There was a long period where I wasn’t coaching anyone. This fallow period got me panicking about my “worth” as a human being, and without realizing why I was doing it - to feel useful - I began to give my time away.

Several months went by of me living a jam-packed schedule. I raced from work appointments to school pick-ups to meetings, frantically tried to catch up each week on emails and documents I owed people so I didn’t completely drop any balls, ghosted my extended family and friends, had very little patience and quality time with my children and husband, and generally felt rundown…Then, I finally woke up and decided to put some serious boundaries on my time and energy.

I’ve since pulled way back on my volunteer commitments. I’ve said No to broad involvement (eg. serving on a board) and doing tasks that I don’t actually enjoy anymore (eg. newsletters). I’m now saying Yes instead to shorter-term projects that I’m designing around my strengths and passions.

Since saying No, I’ve felt significantly lighter, calmer and more energized. And now that I see clearly how I can best contribute to these causes and organizations, I feel more purposeful, and I notice my original passion for these causes has been reignited where it had previously gone flat.

We live in a world where being “so busy!” is a badge of honour, yet we see people around us dropping like flies due to burnout.

We obsessively give our time and energy away because we want to prove we’re valuable, useful, important.

We work very hard to meet others’ expectations, because we believe that failing to follow through or disappointing people means WE are a failure, a disappointment.

It doesn’t have to be that way. Let’s say No.

Our time is the most precious resource we have. And it’s finite. We can’t grow more or make more in a factory somewhere.

How will you choose to spend it?

If you’re interested, the article gives a great list of “Seven things successful people say no to every day”, which I highly recommend reading.

And I’d love to hear what you’re willing to saying No - and Yes - to….Please comment below or message me.

What do YOU stand for?

Have you ever walked away from an interaction with someone and wondered if you made a good impression on them?

Ever left a conversation with that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach that you did NOT show up as the best version of yourself...and you’re worried about the impact it will have on that relationship?

Of course you have. We ALL have. Because HUMAN!

Those are moments when how we showed up was not in alignment, ie. in integrity, with our values. Our values are the things we perceive to be the most important in the world. They are the principles we Stand For as a human.

Now let’s try the opposite scenario…

Think back to an experience where you left an interaction with someone feeling GREAT about how you showed up - because if felt easy, natural and energizing! - and you just knew they had the same experience.

YESSSS. Boy, do those moments feel good, huh?

The truth is, we have hundreds of opportunities each day to show up in integrity with who we are and what we stand for and create positive impactful experiences for others.

But it has to start with knowing what you value. Being super clear on what you stand for. And being intentional about the experience you want people to have when they interact with you.

So here’s an invitation to you to pause from all the Doing and take some time to focus on who you’re Being.

Who you are IS your brand. Your brand of leadership, a personal brand, your small business brand, your brand of parenting, all of it.

Want to live with more intention and positive impact? Want to experience more ease, joy and flow in your life and work? I invite you to explore Who You Are and set an intention to live in a way that honours that.

If you’re in the London area on October 21, join me for a 2-hour workshop where I’ll walk you through some powerful questions to get you thinking about who you are and how you can bring more of your true self into your daily life.

Or, if you’d appreciate more on-going support and a deeper exploration of who you are and the unique value you bring to the world, message me to set a time to chat!

Here’s to showing up as the best version of YOU.

Airborne delight

I’ve just come back from a training retreat, and I’m still letting everything I’ve experienced sink in. I will share a post soon about this, but in the meantime, I thought I’d share a poem from my travels.

I hope you enjoy!

Airborne Delight

I depart,
allowing myself to be whisked away into the skies.
all my responsible adult concerns slide away with gravity
and I greet the beaming inner child
who’s waiting there for me among the clouds.

I’m thrilled
by the whir of propellers in motion,
stirring up excitement
for the adventure that awaits me.

I’m captivated
by the glowing sunrise
that illuminates the stillness below.
I imagine
all the tiny people
are now rubbing their tiny eyes,
taking that first sip from their tiny mugs,
before starting their day.

I’m fascinated
by the neat, orderly squares of the fields.
Each one looks velvety smooth,
like a green foam block
used in flower vases.
Some squares are pristine,
some have softened cracks or blemishes,
some have visible hills hiding beneath,
like cats hiding under blankets.
Every few squares of field are padded
by small forests that look like soft moss.

I feel inspired
by the vast landscape before me.
Farm country, stretching out flat toward the horizon.
I’m in awe of all those farmers who work hard
to provide the food that I eat.

I’m charmed
by the glistening lakes
with their magical mist floating above them.
And then, in a mass of forest below
a sudden circle of trees appears within it
Someone has clearly planted this
as a surprise for airbourne onlookers like me.

We get closer to the city,
and I’m amused
by all the tiny cars and trucks,
the lines of little ants setting out on their day’s mission
By the rows of tiny cookie cutter houses.
By the cluster of delicate hydro towers,
and the rhythmic swooping lines of telephone wires.

I’m overjoyed
by the satisfying bump
as we land safely on the other end of our journey.
By the warmth of the rising sun on my face
as we make our drive to the gate.
By the thrilling view of dozens of planes waiting,
moving slowly like Jurassic giants.

I have arrived,
and I am delighted.

Inter-being

“To be” is to inter-be. We cannot just be by ourselves alone. We have to inter-be with every other thing.

This morning I felt drawn to a book on my shelf I haven’t picked up in a while: Peace Is Every Step, by Thich Nhat Hanh. I flipped to a random page to read the wisdom that wanted to make itself known today.

This chapter called “Interbeing” jumped out at me. He writes:

“If we look into this sheet of paper…we can see the sunshine in it. Without sunshine, the forest cannot grow. [And the tree to make the paper cannot exist.] In fact, nothing can grow without sunshine. And so, we know that the sunshine is…in this sheet of paper. The paper and the sunshine inter-are. And if we continue to look, we can see the logger who cut the tree and brought it to the mill to be transformed into paper. And we see wheat. We know that the logger cannot exist without his daily bread, and therefore, the wheat that became is bread is also in this sheet of paper. The logger’s father and mother are in it too. When we look in this way, we see that without all these things, this sheet of paper cannot exist.

“Looking even more deeply, we can see ourselves in this sheet of paper too…When we look at a sheet of paper, it is part of our perception. Your mind is in here and mine is also. So we can say that everything is in here with this sheet of paper. We cannot point out one thing that is not here — time, space, the earth, the rain, the minerals in the soil, the sunshine, the cloud, the river, the heat. Everything co-exists with this sheet of paper….This sheet of paper is, because everything else is.”

I was moved by this beautiful way of looking at the world.

We have to inter-be with every other thing.

On an intellectual level, we understand that we are all connected. But we don’t often stop to really take that in…to allow ourselves to feel it - to know it - on a spiritual level, do we?

What comes up for you when you let that sink in?

There are so many implications of inter-being, aren’t there?

The thing that jumped out at me was the great responsibility we have as individuals to heal our own pain so that we do not put it out into the world for our earth family members to take on. Our suffering becomes the world’s suffering. And the world’s suffering becomes ours. Pain ripples out into the world though the destructive choices each one of us makes to numb our pain, blame others for it, lash out, work ourselves weary proving it doesn’t exist, and so on. When we do the work to heal our personal pain, we’re simultaneously working to ease the suffering in the world.

Likewise, the joy, happiness, love, passion, hope and well-being we experience is shared with everyone and everything else in the world too. When we focus on filling our life with these more expansive emotions - in spite of whatever circumstances we may be faced with - we can’t help but make more loving, life-giving choices, which sends beautiful energy out to the rest of the world in a ripple effect.

We have incredible power as individuals, far more than we can even comprehend!

My wish for each of us is that we recognize this power and begin to take responsibility for what we “inter-share” with the world. When we heal our pain, share our passion, skills and talents, and have the courage to live a joyful life, we evolve the world to become the peaceful place we truly desire it to be.

Now over to you: what comes up for you when you contemplate your inter-being and the responsibility that comes with this?

Welcome to The Being Place.

Finally. I feel like I’ve arrived at my destination after a long journey.

And yet, all that was needed to arrive was simply me being where I already am.

Oh, the irony. I’ve been fighting so hard to get somewhere for over a year now. I’ve been working nonstop trying to figure everything out, plan ahead, get it all right, do more. I’ve been trapped in the energy of DOING DOING DOING but getting absolutely nowhere. It’s felt for a long time now that I’ve been running on a hamster wheel, endlessly trying to get the wheel to travel forward.

Honestly, it’s been exhausting.

So, imagine my surprise when I turned my attention to BEING instead of DOING, and the name for my business fell right into my lap. Instantly, everything started clicking into place. My vision and mission. Every type of client I’d ever thought about serving. Everything I’d ever considered offering. Every name and tagline and metaphor I’d been mulling over…they were all suddenly held in this one big beautiful container.

The Being Place.

In the Being Place, I feel grounded, purposeful, alive, free.

In the Being Place, who I am matters more than what I’m achieving.

In the Being Place, there’s so much ease to be found in the action.

In fact, as soon as I had the concept, I went home and accomplished more in the 2 hours that followed than I’d accomplished in months.

Wow. The energy of Being is powerful stuff!

It’s been a long journey for me to get to Being. I’ve been Doing my whole life - and attempting to Do Perfectly - because I believed that I had to accomplish things to get attention, praise and love. I’ve never believed I was good enough, and now I can see how the constant and incessant Doing were just Proving, Planning, Perfecting, Pleasing…as Brene Brown says, Hustling for my Worthiness.

For the past 3 months, I’ve been on an intense healing journey to come home to Being. I’ve had major breakthroughs and felt huge internal shifts happening. The more coaching and healing work I do, the more ways to keep myself small and hidden I let go of, and I recognize the beautiful Being who has been there, shining beneath all along.

And I see clearly now, this work has been mine to do so that I may serve others in helping them do it as well.

I guide people in unearthing their genius and unleashing their full potential. I coach people to know and celebrate their unique gifts, to understand their greater purpose in life, and to get out of their own way so they can bring themselves - and others - alive.

This is transformational, revolutionary work.

We do not have to believe the stories we’ve been told or been telling ourselves about how insignificant we are and what we should do to be considered valuable in this world.

We can write a new, more powerful story for ourselves.

What about you? Do you long to know who you truly are and where you uniquely add value in this world? Are you feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, exhausted and resentful about all the things you feel you have to do just to get ahead?

Who do you long to be?

I’d love to welcome you into the Being Place, and witness you come alive and thrive. Let’s set up a time to chat.